Kill a dream

Granted, instead of missing the alarm, you hit it with a hammer cos it's so annoying. .Go buy a new alarm clock

I wish my car was as good as new
 
Granted. No wheels though.

I wish that I had an endless packet of Tim Tams.
 
Granted. All your teeth fall out.

I wish I had a stand mixer.
 
Granted. Unfortunately it is for paint.

I wish that I had a better view from my desk.
 
Granted. There's a fat hairy shirtless man across the way.

I wish I had a vacation.
 
Granted. Welcome to a week in your flat!

I wish that no one prevents my holiday from happening.
 
Granted. The worst storm on record hits.

I wish I lived next door to Stephen Fry.
 
Granted. He puts up a big wall with razor wire so you can't go anywhere near him.

I wish that I was 10 years younger.
 
Granted. You now die 30 years earlier.

I wish I had some fruit.
 
Granted, your fridge is now full of poisonous exotic fruits

I wish for nuclear winter, I'm tired of sweating
 
Granted. You die. No plants, no oxygen generation, no food.

I wish that my voice wasn't crapping out on me.
 
Granted. You can now only communicate in the form of opera.

I wish I knew what I was doing.
 
Granted. Unfortunately what you are doing concerns cows and lots of lube. Now you wish otherwise.

I wish that I knew better SQL
 
Granted. You now do SQL forever and ever.

I wish people weren't so annoying.
 
Granted. They are now irritating.

I wish I could go home right now.
 
Granted. You...well, you really are home right now.

I wish I was a professional cellist.
 
Granted. The air friction means you catch fire and burn up.

I wish that I was top of the office food chain for a day.
 
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